In a world so fixated with validation, it’s easy to lose yourself trying to prove your worth to other people.
And one of the main measuring tools people use to determine their worth is how much they’re valued by others, which is a very slippery slope.
It’s slippery because you subject your God-given worth as a human being to appraisal by another person. That’s a recipe for disaster—you should never give anyone that much power over your life.
Many people experience a decrease in self-worth while they’re single. They tell themselves “something must be wrong with me.” Singleness usually leads to a lot of time alone. And being alone tends to lead to more time for self-reflection, but if you’re not happy with who you are, self-reflection can be toxic.
A lot of the time, people feel that the reason their single is because they’re just destined to be single, as if the universe conspired to make sure they die alone. Or, they think they lack certain positive qualities that people in relationships have. They believe there’s something undesirable or unlovable about them. They think that if they were actually worthwhile, they would be in a relationship. As if acceptance from someone else would be a confirmation of their worthiness.
They look for their would-be boyfriend or girlfriend to show them that they matter, or they look for envious people outside of the relationship to validate them with their jealousy.
I get it, if other people are telling your the ish, it’s got to mean something right? You’d think that would be the case the way people chase external validation. But true happiness comes from within. It comes from you and only you.
You can jump from relationship to relationship chasing adoration and appreciation, but until you can provide yourself with love and affection, you’ll always be unfulfilled—no matter what the relationship brings.
It’s okay to be single. A relationship can never validate you in the way you can validate yourself.
The best relationships happen organically—meaning that they are natural and unforced. And to force a union between two people is basically asking for dysfunction.
Don’t lose yourself, trying to force something that can’t be forced, if it’s meant to happen, it will. Have patience and wait for the right person to find you. And in the meantime work on developing self-love–the greatest love of all!