Let’s face it, life is unfair. There is always something that holds you back from accomplishing the things that you want out of life. There is always a situation, a person, or a thing that blocks the pathway to your goals. And what makes it seem a thousand times worse is that others seem to accomplish the very tasks that allude you with ease.
We have all have seen them: the uber-successful, attractive, charismatic folks, who seem to have everything, and effortlessly accomplish anything they put their mind to. At times, these people make you look at your life and think about all that is wrong, and ask “why me?” or blame others for your current situation.
Don’t get me wrong, other people can surely be at fault for unfortunate circumstances in your life. Your absentee father most definitely may contribute to you not knowing how to properly treat women; your ex cheating on you probably is where your trust issues started, maybe you were bullied in school which is the reason you don’t have confidence. But at the end of the day, none of those circumstances are responsible for how your life turns out.
Fault VS Responsibility
People who think others are responsible for their success or failure suffer from what I call a “Victimhood Complex.” Don’t get it twisted, there are countless people who are victims. You have victims of murder, rape, abuse, neglect, and so on. People can even be victims of less severe things like infidelity or bullying. So, it’s no doubt that a lot of people are victims.
I could never deny that some people are truly victims, but merely acknowledging being a victim to a situation does not mean you suffer from the victimhood complex, per se. People with the victimhood complex are those people who are perpetual victims because at some point in their life they’ve been a victim.
People with the victimhood complex cannot shake the fact that they’ve been wronged, and they use it as fodder to blame others or an excuse as to why they are not advancing in life. Just because something bad has happened in your past doesn’t mean you have to stay a victim.
At the end of the day, you decide whether or not you remain a victim. Most people with the victimhood complex confuse fault with responsibility.
It is not your fault if your parents were on drugs, or that you might have grown up on the wrong side of town. You probably would be doing much better if you weren’t a single parent. Each one of these situations are obviously someone else’s fault.
But the responsibility to fix these problems is yours! You have to take a messed up situation and make the most of it. Why? Because it’s your life and things won’t improve until you move from thinking like a victim and become a fixer, a game-changer, a star! Those people that did you wrong are never going to fix the problems they’ve caused. The only person that can make things right is you.
If you want things to change, you have to change the narrative of your life you have been telling yourself. You have to immediately cease to see your self as someone who is a passive observer of unfortunate circumstances and take responsibility for bad situations that you didn’t cause because it’s your life, and you –and only- YOU-can fix your life.
You have to let go of the paradigm of how things should be and confront how things are. You can no longer wait for someone to recognize the things you have been through. You have to be an advocate for yourself. That is the only way to defeat the victimhood complex.